A Drunken Night Write

I write this letter to you today, in any vicious attempt to describe the weakness, the leveling that your eyes design. You illustrate such a beauty within yourself that I cannot describe. I attempt every day, to write of such complexity. But it fails to reach, to grasp what you mean to me. You are a liquid as I attempt to grip a solid. You melt through my fingers and the pain rushes through my thoughts, pumps my heart, and I tell myself to escape. To drink, to smoke, to rob, to fall in to my habits. But you are the first thing that cannot be numbed, cannot be destroyed by an action or thought process. Your power is limitless, you are a meteor striking my planet of emotions, passion, and ambition. I have never met a human of such beauty. In all the girls I have kissed, in all of the girls that have told me they loved me, you are the only one I have responded too. Your irresistibility remains stronger than anything I have encountered. A gun has been pressed to my head, I have been punches away from death, a hit away from coma, yet you awaken within me as if you are as important and revolutionizing as tragedy within me. You are the patriotism followed by 9/11, you are the superhero that I have searched my whole life for. When I can hear your voice, my ears are anything but exquisite, my pain is anything but felt. It melts between the words that spill from your tongue, it is the touch that I face with each time our fingers lock, our bodies touch, our lips lock. I am weak for you, you are the sun to my solar system. You are the post-traumatic stress of my war. Your impact holds a value beyond what you could ever hope to imagine. It is meaningless to ever give this to you. I feel as if the wall that prevents you from ever falling for me is too strong to ever break with words or actions. But I try. I try each and every day.  my love, I have never felt such a passion and heart for something as I do for you. My words are explosions, my actions are the music that has influenced the Earth, my feelings are the war that has struck society. You are an angel, and I will keep this from you for as long as I could, You deserve more than me, but God I want you. I am weak for the way you look upon me. I am weak for the way you slur your words when you are on Xanax, I struggle for breathe when you look at me and tell you you love me. It is in my dreams every night, it Is within my thoughts wherever I go. I cannot run from the way you have made me felt. I wonder, when will it be good enough” When will my feelings cease to be a restriction, but a benefit to our relationship. I do not know. I hope. I pray. I wish. I am addicted, overwhelmed by the way your name comes across my tongue, by the way you hug me so tightly as tears of yours soak in to the darkness of my shirts. I love you. I love you with passion, ferocity, and faithfulness. I love you with the sound of gunshots, the fear of surprise, the heart pumping of adrenaline. I think of you, and gardens of gorgeous flowers fill my head, describing the way you have grown upon me, depicting the way you have become so important to me. I hate that I may never give this to you. I hate that there is an end. But I want you to know, I will always love you. I could not be any more sure. I desire you more than I desire the peave I have dedicated my life towards, I want you with as much determination as a college athlete on the brink of seeing his first professional paycheck, I want you as bad as the environment wants Earth to live. Love yourself. Please realize you stand above anything that has ever impacted you. I hope you read this one day. I pray to God one day I can find the words to put this in. I try, every day, to show there is more to me than what has met the eye. And somewhere, deep down, I truly feel as if you feel the same way. But then I remember, you would not be gone if this was the truth. Effort, chaos, struggle, deep pain. I feel it. I can keep going,

But fuck it, I'm just drunk.