Everything hurts. as strong as the physical pain I’ve felt, as strong as my desire for happiness, normality, the war within these dimensions of my mind rages on. Experiences battle with hope, desires fight with disappointment, scars shoot at repair and reality is the lost concept, in which they are causing chaos for. The goal is simplicity, but the world I live in, is too complex. Life challenges me Life punishes me But life, does not give. It receives my understanding, It receives my most intense attention my prayers, and my most meaningful questions. I wish. I wish for my existence to notice me, study me Like I study it. Like I spend my time analyzing why it is the way it is, why I feel this agony why I feel these fears why I feel, as if the galaxy sits within my mind That every bit of the past, the thought of the future and the reality of the present stabs at a weakening mind state. And I pray to Christ, I pray to Allah, I pray to Ghandi I pray to anything. That one day, this will be worth it. But the fear, the war remains because hope does not end wars, tears do not end wars, drugs do not end wars, but love, crushes them. Love remains the most powerful existence because it is but an emotion, but a perception that charges me. Charges me to not only continue to open my eyes, and look at the light at the end of the tunnel But it is an idea That I can grasp, a question I can ask, And an answer, to the chaos that lives inside of my head. It is a peacemaker, stitches to a wound duct tape to broken plastic. It is inherited like a brain to a living human being like water to a planet, able to sustain life it is a fire that rages in my hope. Not a fire that torments nature Not a fire that kills people, like anger might be But a fire, that recklessly burns the past and present to smithereens . I rely on it, because love is the answer. The war resides from how challenging it is to receive beautifully and how easy it is go give. My mind, this war feels to special But war seems to be so meaningless, and that fear is a fear that strikes the lights that still shine a fear that reopens scars a fear that makes truzt impossible to even spell. This world is so enchanting but life is so terrifying I don’t fear darkness, I don’t fear heights, I don’t fear experience. I fear that my vision my vision of sitting atop the skyline of New York City, and staring that the epitome of gorgeousness with the love of my life, the epitome of beauty to not be real, for it to not ever exist for life to not have a higher power, that will one day, make this war worth it
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